Neurological Awareness
Through the Eyes of a Questioning Grandchild
One evening, at the end of a crowded family dinner table, a little girl gazes deeply into her grandmother’s eyes. In those green eyes, you can sense a warmth she’s felt before—but also a trace of confusion and perhaps a little fear. “Mom, why did grandma just ask me ‘Who are you?’” she asks, her voice trembling. At that moment, everyone’s heart at the table tightens. Giving an answer is not easy. Because in that moment, the weight on your heart isn’t just about your family—it’s a reality millions of children face around the world: dementia.
The Basics of Dementia: Understanding the Lost Pathways in the Brain
The word dementia comes from Latin, meaning “loss of mind,” and refers to a group of disorders, mostly occurring in later years, resulting from damage to brain cells. According to global data from 2023, about 55 million people live with dementia, and this number is expected to double by 2050 (World Health Organization).
Dementia is a slowly progressing process which affects memory, thinking, language, judgment, and daily functions. It’s most commonly known in the form of Alzheimer’s disease, but there are many different types. Understanding dementia is not easy for children or adults. Especially children cannot make sense of why their grandmother or grandfather no longer behaves the way they used to.
Why Do They Change? How Dementia Alters the Brain
Many children wonder, “Why does grandpa get angry with me now?” “Why does grandma keep asking me the same question?” The answer lies deep in the brain. In dementia, the brain regions responsible for memory, learning, and emotions are most affected. For instance, in Alzheimer’s disease, the first area affected is the hippocampus, where new information is stored.
Brain Region | Function | Change in Dementia |
|---|---|---|
Hippocampus | Short-term memory | Storing new memories becomes difficult |
Prefrontal Cortex | Decision making, judgment | Confusion increases, making decisions gets harder |
Amygdala | Emotional responses | Can lead to frustration, anxiety, anger |
As dementia progresses, people may no longer recognize family members, forget where they are, or lose old habits. For a child, this results in the feeling that “grandpa/grandma has changed.”
Dementia Through a Child’s Eyes: When Emotions Get Stuck
Children often experience the world as if they’re at the center. They may take changes in their elders personally. They might think their grandparents stopped loving them, or blame themselves for their grandma’s anger. According to a 2016 study (Alzheimer’s Society), 42% of children with a grandparent living with dementia (but not given an explanation) experienced anxiety, anger, and confusion. The heaviest burden for them is the feeling of being ‘forgotten.’
Why Explain Dementia to Children?
Protective Information: Helps the child make sense of what is happening and reduces anxiety.
Fosters Empathy: Helps the child be more patient and understanding toward their grandparents.
Strengthens Family Bonds: Speaking openly within the family enhances the sense of togetherness.
These contribute to children developing more positive attitudes toward aging, illness, and care in the future (JAMA Pediatrics).
How to Explain Dementia? Age- and Child-Specific Approaches
Every child’s age, developmental level, and personality affect how this conversation should be conducted. The following recommendations can help make the process easier:
Simple and Accurate Information: “Grandpa/grandma can be forgetful sometimes. This isn’t their fault—it’s because part of their brain is sick. They still love you very much.”
Use Concrete Metaphors: Especially with younger children, use metaphors to explain the brain and illness: “In grandpa’s brain, just like books falling off shelves, some memories are no longer in their place.”
Avoid Scary Details: Kids want to know the general idea, not details. Instead of complex medical terms or worrying explanations, use examples from daily life.
Address Emotions: “This might be hard for you, I know. It’s very normal to feel sad when grandpa/grandma changes.”
Don’t Leave Questions Unanswered: If your child asks something, saying “I don’t know, but we can learn together” is a reassuring attitude.
Sample Explanations to Share with Children
“Sometimes our grandpa’s/grandma’s brain doesn’t work quite right—like when the TV is broken. That’s why remembering things is hard for them.”
“When they seem strange or sad, it’s important to remember they’re still the same person and still love us.”
“Dementia is an illness. It’s no one’s fault.”
Such explanations prevent the child from feeling inadequate or guilty.
Lightening the Emotional Load: Things to Watch For
Sometimes children don’t express their feelings openly. They might show changes in behavior, have trouble sleeping, or become restless. A few approaches can help at this stage:
Open Communication: Feelings and thoughts should be openly discussed at home.
Keep to Routines: Providing a secure routine helps the child feel that life continues even with dementia.
Quality Time Together: Encouraging the child to spend pleasant moments with their grandparent can prevent the relationship from severing completely.
Get Help When Needed: If your child is seriously struggling emotionally, support from a specialist is crucial.
Creating Special Moments with Grandparents Living with Dementia: Giving Children a Role
Even with dementia, it’s possible to have meaningful relationships. Giving children small responsibilities around helping their grandparent with dementia can help them feel strong and reduce negative emotions.
Looking at old photos together
Telling short stories or singing songs together
Doing small crafts together (like coloring, working with clay, knitting, etc.)
Such activities not only nurture emotional bonds but also bring a beautiful smile to the grandparent’s face.
Misconceptions and Facts: Instilling Correct Thinking in Children
Misconception | Truth |
|---|---|
"Dementia is contagious." | Dementia is not contagious. It’s a disease, but doesn’t spread like the flu. |
"Grandpa/grandma doesn’t love me." | Only the way they remember has changed, not their love. |
"They will never be normal again." | The disease may progress and things may change, but you can still make happy memories together. |
Family Support and Learning Together
Dementia can be less of a crisis within the family and more of an opportunity for togetherness. The important thing is to help children feel they are not alone, that you are all going through this together, and that you always support them. Research shows that open sharing within the family helps protect children’s mental health (NIH).
Explaining Dementia to Children through Games and Books
For some children, abstract concepts can be hard to grasp. Especially for preschool and primary school children, stories and games offer effective ways to understand dementia.
Reading storybooks or watching cartoons where both people with dementia and children are main characters
Playing board games with parents to stay connected
Drawing their own stories to express their emotions
Books like "Grandpa’s Memory Box" make it easier for children to both understand and normalize their feelings.
Giving Children Hope: The Power of the Brain and Continuity of Love
Although dementia is a progressive illness, being with loved ones, the little moments, and trust remain immensely important. Science shows that while some memories may fade, the happiness and love experienced in the present can still be felt. Even if some brain cells are damaged, a warm look or a loving hand-hold can mean much more than words.
Dementia may take away our memories, but it does not take away our love. Our grandparents are still themselves; they just need a little help and time to find the old pathways.
Conclusion: Lives Changed by Dementia, Love that Stays the Same
Explaining dementia to children is not just about conveying information, but also about reducing fears and preserving the sense of love and belonging from the past. To know, to understand, and to be together—these are our most valuable keys for overcoming obstacles. Remember, our grandparents have been our guides; now it’s our turn to discover how to embrace them with love.
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