Introduction: Siblings Sharing the Same Worries

When a parent is diagnosed with a neurodegenerative disease like Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s, it deeply affects the lives of all family members. Witnessing a loved one gradually change is often an emotionally exhausting process. The ones who feel these challenges most profoundly are usually the siblings. With the brothers or sisters we grew up with and share memories, we now find ourselves in an entirely new circle of responsibility: organizing the care for an ill parent, sharing the burden, and keeping the family bond alive.

In this article, we’ll explore how fair task distribution among siblings can be achieved during the care process—supported by scientific research, real-life examples, and without overlooking the emotional aspect.

Caregiving: A Shared Journey

In illnesses like Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s, care is often a prolonged and comprehensive process. Studies show that every individual involved in caregiving is affected in different psychological and physical ways (1 in 3 caregivers experiences symptoms of anxiety and depression). Placing such a challenging process solely on one person for an extended time not only increases their exhaustion but can also fuel tension between siblings. Fair task sharing not only enhances care quality but also helps maintain family unity.

The Transformation of Sibling Dynamics

Sibling relationships that carry from childhood into adulthood are sometimes complex by nature. Roles generally become defined early on: “The big sister is more responsible,” “The younger sibling is more sensitive,” etc. However, caregiving can change those established roles. Each individual’s current life, work, family structure, health status, and even where they live geographically are all critical factors that determine how they can contribute to care.

"Sharing care divides both material and emotional burden; however, fairness does not mean 'everyone does an equal amount of work,' but rather 'everyone gives their best within their means.'"

Main Challenges

• Geographical Distance: If a sibling lives in another city or country, their participation in daily care tasks may be limited.

• Emotional Vulnerability: The sibling who is emotionally closest to the patient often takes on more responsibility.

• Financial Situation: Income level or financial difficulties can impact how the caregiving burden is shared.

• Personal Rights and Boundaries: Some siblings may willingly take on the care role, while others may see it as an obligation.

The existence of these challenges shows the necessity for clear communication and planning to create fair distribution.

Why Is Fair Task Distribution Important?

• Preventing Burnout: Leaving the caregiving burden to a single person can lead to significant psychological and physical exhaustion for that individual.

• Stronger Family Bonds: Sharing responsibility increases understanding and closeness among siblings.

• The Best Outcome for the Patient: Rotational and organized care ensures the patient is less isolated and more closely monitored.

Scientific Perspective: Seeking Balance in Care

Caregiving studies to date emphasize the importance of distinguishing between equality and fairness. Fair task distribution: is not about everyone contributing equally, but about contributions matching each person’s realistic capacity. For example, while one sibling provides direct care three days a week, another living far away may offer regular financial support or organize medical check-ups.

A 2018 study showed that the primary cause of conflict within families about caregiving is the lack of equitable role sharing (Smit et al., The Gerontologist). Moreover, in the long term, concentrating the burden on one person causes severe damage to sibling relationships.

The Importance of Communication Between Siblings

The foundation of fair and balanced task distribution is open communication. Studies show that tension quickly escalates in families unable to share their feelings and expectations. Discussing emotional matters honestly yet constructively can improve the process.

• Regular group meetings: Weekly or monthly family meetings can ensure that everyone’s opinion is heard.

• Expressing emotional needs: Statements like “This is very exhausting for me” or “I feel I can’t take this on” can open the way for solutions.

• Small gestures: Even support through a phone call or a morale-boosting message can significantly lighten the load.

How to Distribute Tasks?

1. Listing: First, create a list together of the daily, weekly, and monthly tasks that need to be done (nutrition, medication tracking, cleaning, appointment organization, etc.).

2. Identifying personal circumstances: For each sibling, identify suitable tasks based on their availability, emotional capacity, and work–life balance.

3. Sharing: Assign tasks from the list, clearly stating who will do what, how often, and in what way. Emphasize the financial or organizational support from those who are farther away.

4. Flexibility: The process is never static. As the patient’s condition and siblings’ lives change, responsibilities may be rotated.

5. Regular review: Every month or every few weeks, discuss whether the arrangement is working and, if necessary, make updates to tasks.

Sample Task Distribution Table

This table shows that responsibilities are not distributed equally, but rather equitably based on what each person is able to contribute.

Unfinished Tasks and Feelings of Guilt

Sometimes, everyone does their best—yet some things still get left undone. Particularly, those taking on more of the care burden may think, “Why am I the only one dealing with this?” while those who contribute less may feel guilty. Although this feeling may stem from a real situation, it can be resolved. The important thing is recognizing each other’s intentions and efforts and siblings showing understanding toward one another.

Being Open and Transparent

The contributions of siblings in the care process may differ. However, what matters is establishing an arrangement where no one is left out and no responsibility “automatically” falls on a single person. Therefore:

• Talk to each other frequently.

• Clearly express what you can and cannot do.

• Remember that every contribution is valuable.

Tough Decisions and Emotional Burdens

Sometimes during the care process—particularly in advanced illnesses—a sibling may struggle with whether or not to place the patient in an institution. Such tough decisions can lead to long discussions and feelings of guilt. Scientific literature reports that having family support and open communication during decision-making leads to much healthier outcomes, and sharing guilt can reduce its burden.

"None of us has to carry the burden alone. Fair sharing is an expression of respect both for our loved ones and for ourselves."

The Strength of Support Systems

• Support Groups: Both in-person and online support groups can be a lifeline for caregiving siblings.

• Professional Help: When needed, seeking assistance from social workers or psychologists can help distribute the caregiving load appropriately.

• Neighbors and Extended Family: The responsibility does not have to rest solely on the siblings; relatives or close family friends may offer to help as well.

Coexisting with Strong Sibling Bonds

Fair division of caregiving among siblings is necessary not only to make things easier but also to share the weight of both past and future together. Facing the challenging aspects of illness as a team results in good memories in the future, rather than regrets.

If you are also in the midst of this process: In moments when you feel unsuccessful, remember the good times you have shared and small moments of support. Each sibling’s role may differ; but what matters is walking this path together in solidarity.

Conclusion: Fair Sharing Is Possible

In conclusion, fair division of caregiving responsibilities cannot be established through strict rules or fixed recipes; it is built on mutual understanding, open communication, and flexibility. No one needs to be the “perfect sibling” who manages everything flawlessly. What matters is making a sincere contribution and maintaining the respect, care, and love you have for each other as the process unfolds.

Resources

• Smit, D.J.A. et al. (2018). "Family Conflict in Caregiver Siblings." The Gerontologist. https://doi.org/10.1093/geront/gny017

• Brodaty, H. & Donkin, M. (2009). "Family caregivers of people with dementia." Dialogues Clin Neurosci. 11(2): 217–228.

• Pinquart, M., & Sörensen, S. (2003). "Differences between caregivers and noncaregivers in psychological health and physical health." Psychology and Aging, 18(2), 250–267.